On Building Relationships :: at (in)courage

 

I grew up in northern Oklahoma with real life familiarity wrapped around me like wide-blue skies around rolling prairies. My last name of O’Neill put me right at home on my country lane, literally called O’Neill Lane. In the very real sense, my neighbors equaled family. For my entire growing-up years, I went to school in the same smallish town followed by college only forty miles away. Not once did I have to work to meet people; friends were always there.

That is, until a good lookin’ Air Force man won my heart, put a ring on my finger, and took me from Oklahoma to the moon.

OK, it was Ohio. But to me? It could have been the moon. I didn’t know a sole and had to figure out how to build relationships without the crutch of a shared history. How do I get to know people – let alone form relationships with them – and be a part of their community? When the scariness of putting myself out there overwhelmed me? When it seemed like so much work?

Will you join me here to read some things I learned {mostly the hard way}?


What to Do When You’re Waiting on Friendships

 

I had two freshly minted five year olds and a one year old when we moved from an active, treasured community to a new home in a new state. I missed my friends, but I knew I’d make new, local ones. I assumed it wouldn’t take long.

I assumed wrong.

It took months. And months and months. And even then, it took more time. I was *this* close to making a sign reading “Desperate woman seeks friends!”  I missed close-by gal pals somethin’ fierce.

I read the comments to my previous post and to this one, and I know many of you miss the same thing. Reading Lysa’s words at (in)courage yesterday reminded me of the only thing I could do during that friendship dry spell: Read God’s Word and pray.

And as I did, this is what I learned:

“I nearly missed it, missed seeing his goodness.

I was looking the other way, looking up at the people.” Psalms 73:2-3, the Message

And in that lonely season, God showed me I craved relationship with others above relationship with Him. Not pretty, but true nonetheless. I missed seeing all I had in Him because I was busy trying to find what I wanted in other people. So, I had to lose something good to gain something better.

If you find yourself wanting a few friends, may I encourage you to read God’s Word and pray? You may tell me, “News flash, Kristen. I’m already doing that!”  I’ll tell you to keep on keeping on, remembering He wants your friendship anxieties because He cares for you. And if He wants to take those anxieties from you, it’s because He wants to give something better to you.

Tomorrow, I’ll share more words on building friendships. Join me then?

{Also, perhaps attending (or even hosting?) an (in)RL meet-up could bring friendships to your front door? Maybe check it out?}

{Care to connect with me via facebook? Just click here.}


When You Fear They Just Don’t Get You

Yesterday afternoon and evening floated by in a picture from heaven. We ate, talked, and played with a family together after a long separation. We laughed ’til our sides split open and just generally enjoyed being with people who get us. And with people who don’t mind if we bring a little quirky.

Heaven knows it feels good to be understood.

If you ask me what I fear, I won’t say cancer or my children getting kidnapped. Oh sure, I think about those big, scary things, but they don’t consume my day-to-day thoughts. In everyday life, it’s the hundred little things I say or don’t say, do or don’t do that I fear getting wrong. And if you {or the PTA president or my neighbor or Bible study friend} see me doing it wrong, I fear you won’t get me. And I dearly wish you would get me!

While on the (in)courage retreat two weeks ago, I spent the first night tossing and turning and fretting. I kept replaying an earlier conversation with Lysa where I rattled on and on about a story I feared sounded a hundred kinds of dingy. I mean, I basically had just met her. Why didn’t I listen more and talk less?

The following day, some of the gals were talking about fears centered around over-thinking words, and I confessed to Lysa about my late night fretting. She told me to consider myself freed from ever worrying about anything I say because she wouldn’t be condemning me at all. I relaxed and thought, “What a gift that is.”

And isn’t that a gift our Jesus provides? Grace upon grace that says I don’t have to fret over what I say or do because He gets me. He isn’t surprised or offended when I tell drawn out stories or forget to turn in the school spirit t-shirt money. Or come out of the women’s bathroom with toilet paper hanging outside my dress {oh yes I did}. Being alive in Christ means I do my best to see things from His perspective, not anyone else’s. And He says I’m flawed but forgiven, an imperfect-but-perfectly-loved daughter. He tells me to get a grip and not sweat the small stuff.

So when I see you, consider yourself freed from worrying about anything you say because I won’t be condemning you at all. Bring all your quirky and let’s rest in His perspective!

In honor of Angie Smith’s new, incredible book What Women Fear, I’m linking up with the (in)courage book club. Click here to share your own story of fears.

And finally…

Late Saturday night, our Lord welcomed Sara home. In life, Sara had every reason to choose bitterness and fear, but instead she chose joy and trust and Him. The Jesus in her saw the best in everyone, and her life is a testimony to His extravagant love. Sara died peacefully with her mom and brother by her side. Funeral information may be found here

{Care to connect with me via facebook? Just click here.}

 


Music for a Monday {From This Valley}

 

Y’all wrote some sweet, thoughtful comments about Sara, and I give each of you a mighty big thank you for them. We continue to pray with her and her family as they wait in expectation.

And we rejoiced like nobody’s biz when our sweet friends made it home safe and sound. To see their children almost bust a gut waiting for them to deplane? Too precious for words. At our airport, you can see arriving passengers well behind security, so the kids knew their dads were coming long before they could get at ‘em. The millisecond those uniformed men’s boots were outside security, all kids took off like a shot and jumped into swallowing arms. Beautiful.

So here it is Monday again and my week stretches long before me. I’m looking at piles of laundry, dust, legos, and doll clothes. And other stuff, too, like appointments and obligations both fun and not-so-fun. In case you find yourself waking up to a hard Monday where Friday looks far and away, this song will give you a boost of “I will make it!” It’s by The Civil Wars {Oh my stars, how I love them!}, and it will bring Jesus close. As you listen, may you feel His swallowing arms around you tight!

From This Valley

Oh, the desert dreams of a river
that will run down to the sea.
Like my heart longs for an ocean
to wash down over me.

{Chorus} Oh, won’t you take me from this valley
to that mountain high above?
I will pray, pray, pray
until I see your smiling face.
I will pray, pray, pray
to the one I love.

Oh, the outcast dreams of acceptance
just to find pure love’s embrace.
Like an orphan longs for his mother
may you hold me in your grace.

{Chorus} 

Oh, the caged bird dreams of a strong wind
that will flow beneath her wings.
Like a voice longs for a melody
oh, Jesus carry me.

{Chorus}

{If you’re a subscriber, click here to see the video. Thank you Matthew Paul Turner for introducing me to it!}


{And the winner of Holley’s book and other In God’s Heart goodies is Jamie @Six Bricks High. Jamie, I’ll be in touch ASAP!} 

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