2013 January

When Your Daughter Runs Circles Around the Boys

I look out the window to find she’s turned the swing set into an obstacle course again. Like a monkey at the zoo, she alternates swinging hands and feet from swing seat to trapeze bar to the other swing seat before grabbing the slide’s platform with both hands. Pulling herslef onto the platform, she pats herself on the back by breaking out some dance moves. She then turns 180 degrees with a flourish and performs the trick again in reverse.

I look over at my boys who are sitting quietly with their books and music. I wonder what’s wrong with this picture.

The truth is absolutely nothing.

The truth is I’m not the only mama whose daughter runs circles around boys.

My twin sons haven’t always been so ready to be still. I spent their toddler years unable to take them both to the park by myself because one was a climber and the other a runner and both had no desire to stay close to me. And then when they were 2 and 3, they never walked but ran from room to room or wild outside. The preschool years brought fast peddling bike rides with no hands and game after game after game of chase and tag.

They sporadically play sports and still enjoy hiking and bike rides, but the older they get, the more inclined they are to take their down time reading, playing board games, computer games, drums or music.

While age thirteen finds James and Ethan tapping the brakes, it finds my Faith punching the gas pedal. And in her opinion, down time is punishment rather than privilege.

Beginning at four years old, she wanted to ignore our family policy of one extracurricular activity at a time. {But whhhyy can’t I do soccer and cheerleading and swim lessons and gymnastics and dance all at once?} From her itty bitty years ’til today, she would rather swing and run than sit and read, hang upside down than stay right side up, explore new heights than stay on the ground.

The older she gets the faster she accelerates, hair flying wild and free like her spirit.

More than anything on God’s green earth, my kids have taught me about the infinite canvas of God’s creation. His fingerprints leave unique strengths, talents, and personality traits on each living soul making no two of us alike. While there’s no denying boys and girls have general tendencies towards gender specific characteristics, there’s also no denying those lines aren’t black and white. Their individual personalities are just that: individual.

“What my wife and I have learned over the years is that grace-based homes have got to be places where children have the option to be who God uniquely designed them to be…Their young minds run wild and sometimes perform crazy gauntlets within their imaginations. God made them this way. He chose to put these characteristics on the front side of their life. Obviously, He calls on parents to help them develop the maturity and skills to take on adulthood, but not at the expense of their unique nuances. This is an amazing time for their lives. When we get done leading them through it, the sense of amazement is still supposed to be in place – only more sophisticated. Declaring war on his differences just because they don’t fit our fancy is a good way to snuff out a child’s sense of wonder and amazement for a lifetime.”

~ Dr. Tim Kimmel, Grace Based Parenting

I’m just a mama doing my best to live grace to my children. Oh, I’ve messed this up by trying to squish their individual personality traits into factory made molds. But instead I want to be the mama who celebrates their character by supporting their strengths, that cheers them on in broad daylight by embracing their dreams.

Looking out my window again, I see snow starting to fall. Faith cartwheels across the backyard, only stopping to catch snowflakes on her tongue. I pray earnestly,

“Lord, may she always be so ready to cartwheel and grab the amazing and unique. May I always be looking heavenward with hands open ready to embrace all that is right and good and unique in her and her brothers. And may I remember that instead of “boys will be boys” and “girls will be girls,” it’s really James, Ethan, and Faith will be James, Ethan, and Faith.”

January 31, 2013 13 Comments Filed Under: Parenting

For the Days You Need to Practice What You Preach {and a Friendship Prayer}

By Kristen

From time to time I ramble on here or at (in)courage about some aspect of friendship. And no sooner do my fingers tap out the final words of the post that I find my feelings hurt over the very same friendship issue I’ve written about. {Am I the only one who is often tested on the very thing I’m trying to work out?} As I massage my hurt ego or stepped-on toes, my inner sassy voice asks me point blank,

“So, you gonna practice whatcha preach or what?”

I stick my tongue out at this voice because sometimes?

Sometimes, I want to wallow in the hurt.

Sometimes, I want to only love the easy people.

Sometimes I want to tweak Scripture just a bit to say “Love your {kind, darling, lovely} neighbor as yourself.”

But nothing of quality is gained in that kind of living, so I lay my head back, close my eyes, and whisper prayer-reminders. I pray I live a true-blue life, not only as a friend but as a daughter, wife, mother, and sister.

Dear Father in Heaven,

I’m still learning the best way to be a friend to anyone – lovely or unlovely – is to make less of me.

Help me live this out, Lord.

Help me:

~Have the security to lead her into the spotlight as I step into the shadows.

~Be a breeze blowing wind into her sails rather than a hurricane tearing down her soul.

~More readily cheer than criticize, compliment than complain.

~Encourage her strengths and not be scared by her weaknesses.

~Insist on a spirit of completion rather than competition to enter our relationship.

~Log in more practice time listening than talking, loving than judging.

~Move my agendas to the back burner and make Your agenda my own.

And Lord, when living this out gets tough, may I wallow in the Word rather than wounds because You bind up all the seen and unseen hurts.

With all in my circle of influence, may my knee-jerk reaction come from a place of Grace.

Thank you for loving me in the learning and growing.

In Jesus name,

{And all the sometimes un-kind, un-darling, un-lovely girls say}

Amen

I love you, sisters. May your day be full of appreciation for the lovely and grace for the unlovely.

**second photo of myself and the *always* lovely Amber Haines.

Want more encouragement on this topic of friendship? Check out these posts here:

What to Do When You’re Waiting on Friendships

For When You’re Tired from Trying to Make Friends

Friendship: When You’re Not the New Girl in Town

The Best Thing You Can Do Today

25 Ways to Be a {Lovely, Appreciated, Bomb Diggedy} Friend

January 29, 2013 10 Comments Filed Under: Friendship, Grace

How You Can Be on Your Way to a Successful Today

By Kristen

My daughter pleads pretty please won’t I do it, so I brush the dust off my oboe to play for her school music class. While I’ve played for audiences much scarier than third graders, it has been years since I pushed the keys on this instrument. I need to scrape rust off my notes.

So I open Barlow’s The Winter’s Passed and prop it up where the piano music sits. After I take my seat on the bench and bring the instrument to my lips, memory takes over as notes fly out the bell. My technique leaves much to be desired, but I have musicality, and good musicality covers a multitude of sins.

The melody may be flawed, but at least it’s alive.

As I sway with the tune, I remember how just like technique and musicality, hard work and talent move in tandem for most things. No doubt, talent makes the learning process easier. But with hard work leading the dance, you can coax talent into becoming more sure of herself.

When my second son entered the world eleven minutes after his brother, my first thought {after the rush of relief} was What do I know about raising boys? I grew up part of a trio of daughters in a girl heavy extended family. But hard work covers a multitude of I-don’t-know-what-to-do. The daily hard work and practice of mothering soon had me an expert at little boys, too.

Whether we are revisiting an old love or finding our way around a new one, may we not let our lack of ability scare us. May we allow hard work to lead. And may we pray for God to bless us in the process as we strive to live a melody flawed but alive.

What are you working hard on these days?

January 24, 2013 3 Comments Filed Under: Fruit, Music, Writing

What You Really Want More Than Trophies and Awards

By Kristen

“Thank you for this lovely blunt object that I will forevermore use as a weapon against self doubt.” ~ Anne Hathaway during her acceptance speech for winning the Golden Globe Best Supporting Actress award for Les Miserables.

The Confidence I hang out with wears pale blue and sunny yellow with a pleasant smile. Every whipstitch I talk her into donning rich jewel tones, like royal purple or emerald green. It’s taking time, but she’s becoming more open minded to vibrant colors.

I assumed Anne Hathaway’s Confidence would be swimming in flashy colors. After all, isn’t she already swimming in millions? But apparently, even successful Hollywood actresses aren’t immune to the squawking voice of Self Doubt.

I’m certain Anne is exceedingly grateful for her Golden Globe award. It’s lovely to own a tangible reminder of your hard work being well received, especially in a subjective field like acting. But I believe what she’s really thankful for are the folks behind the statue, the people who placed their confidence in her abilities by voting for her in the first place.

A well deserved pat on the back bolsters our own confidence in God’s calling for our lives. Whether the shingle outside your door says doctor or actor or writer or mama, we all need an inner circle of people who believe in us and what we do. People who put an arm around us or squeeze our hand and whisper, “Girl, you got this.”

To walk confidently in our gifts is not to hide from self doubt, but to look it in the face and say I am not a slave to you. Doubt may be part of our human condition, but it’s also an opportunity to remain close to Jesus and touch His wounds. Tangible reminders of His confidence in us shine near and far. May we open our eyes to see those sharp weapons against self doubt in our paths, and as appropriate, may we serve as confidence building treasure to others.

Who is one of your weapons against self doubt?

If you would like to join a community of women who beautifully cheer one another on, click here. Women are even pairing up with buddies to pray for and encourage one another in their callings and dreams. I’ve met with the talented and endearing Jacque to do just this. Thanks, friend!