Listening

A Letter to All the Daughters: For When You Feel Out Rather Than In

Daughter, you turn double digits tomorrow, and you’re so excited about the big 1-0 you can hardly sleep. Every night you flip around in your white sleigh bed like a fish out of water. I can see why, too. There’s something very big about being 10, isn’t there? I’m excited along with you, thankful for another grace-filled year. It feels good to anticipate your birthday rather than mourn its arrival like I did in your littler years.

But I don’t anticipate everything about you getting older.

Days will come when you’ll look left or right rather than up to measure your worth, and you’ll be sure you fall impossibly short of a perfect 10.

The truth is everyone falls short, and this is why God gave everyone Jesus.

You’ll hear people say differently, and your path will cross those who put more stock into popularity contests than human hearts.

Some of them will even sell the idea and bank on you believing it.

I don’t want that garbage filling an inch of space in your heart, but already a friend ignores you on the playground and you whisper the words to me,

“Mama, I feel like I don’t matter, like I’m on the outside.”

Daughter, you can’t run from that stench fast enough. Because you know what? Exclusionary isn’t in God’s vocabulary. He created you on purpose for a purpose, so hear Him whisper this truth from the heavens,

“Girl, you are in.”

We’re snuggling on the couch together, and you say you’re glad I’m the hugging type. But my arms can squeeze too hard and am I really teaching you to release the playground squabbles and other heart-heavy things into the arms of heaven?

I’ve looked you in the eyes and reminded you what you need to see in the mirror. But do I listen to you and remind you what your heart needs to hear?

“For in Christ all the fullness of Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority.” ~Colossians 2:9-10

You don’t need to be a perfect 10 because you have perfect fullness in Christ. Let me grab you with my hug-happy arms and let’s rest our confidence in this together.

Ten years ago, God hand-wrote your name on your own reservation in this world, and no one else can sit there.

Because you perfectly fit right here today and always.

You are loved.

If you are sharing your own stories with a Scripture verse or passage, read this first.

Next prompt: Next week is our last week of school, so I have transitions on my mind. Next Thursday, tell me about a time God taught you an unexpected lesson or truth through a season of change or transition. I look forward to reading your stories!

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When You Want to Brush Off Your Own Story

Today Emily concludes a 31 day series on hush. It’s so good y’all, and you know what? She practices it. She should get a gold medal in curious listening.

Over my mahi mahi and her Greek style pizza, Emily asks me below-the-surface questions about family and callings. After the third or fourth one, I tell her I’m not used to answering these kinds of questions because I’m usually the one asking them. I slow down and listen to my heart before speaking, but my answers still spill out all rambly. I haven’t practiced this.

It takes a different kind of hush to answer deep questions. For me to say the private things out loud, I must quiet the inner voice that says my story and experiences don’t matter. This doesn’t come natural to me. Unless you ask, I won’t easily volunteer my own stuff. Inner Kristen still fights to brush off the tender parts with an easy “fine.” Partly because I think my story isn’t newsworthy, partly because I think your story is, and partly because it’s less risky to do so. I know that sounds loco for the writer of a blog like mine. I share heart things here, but there’s always deeper places to travel. Our hearts are like the Old Testament tabernacle. Parts are for many at the entrance. Parts are a more holy place where safe people may cross the threshold. And still parts are for just you and God alone, a holy of holies.

When someone makes space in their conversation to ask how you’re doing really, you have the choice to remain hidden or come out in the open. When the person looks you in the eye and lets you know she is safe, it feels good to choose wide open spaces beyond the entrance, even if this risks tearing up or the ugly cry.

Jesus wasn’t into small talk, He was interested in the heart of everything. So we don’t only practice being good listeners, but we practice being good talkers, too. We get comfortable asking and answering the right questions and knowing when not to.

Do you struggle with sharing answers to below-the-surface questions? Is it easier for you to listen to others or listen to yourself?