For When You’re Tired from Trying to Make Friends

 Holley Gerth, Lisa Jo Baker, and Jaclyn Smith {Ha!}

‘Tis true faithful friends are rare treasures, and when you have them you’ll do anything to hold and protect them. You cherish them somethin’ fierce.  This darling girl describes the everyday joy found when true-blue friendships find our front door and walk into our lives. There’s no end to the soul satisfaction in silly, serious, devoted, delightful gal pals.

Some of you just don’t have that, but you surely want it. You invest the effort and try, try, try. You make the first move and extend your hand to others.  You go to church get-togethers and meet parents of your kids’ teammates. You join mom groups and glance around PTA meetings . You’ve done your level best to strike up conversations and initiate friendships, but you just aren’t gelling with the women. At the party you’re alone in a crowd, so you head home taking little with you but discouragement. You  read God’s Word and pray with the question, “Why is this so hard, Lord?”

I’ve been there. It’s mighty tiring and not much fun, thankyouverymuch. But God whispers, “Keep on keeping on.” So, when we don’t see friendships right in front of us, we keep searching the horizon for a soul sister. We widen our circle so we can see a bit further.

If previous friends burned you, I’m so sorry. Those wounds cut deep. Still, don’t shy away from warmth altogether or put up walls to keep people out. Walls become a cold cell that shut out warmth and shut in hurts. Take the hurts to Jesus who cares for you more than you can fathom.

Today may be the day a kindred spirit crosses your path. Or not. But please still invite people in. Continue to look not shut down, to advance not retreat. It’s hard, I know. But the harder you fight for what you want the sweeter success tastes when you get it. Remember God invented community, and He knows friendship. Jesus calls us friends, and if He desires them for Himself, He desires them for us, for you. You are not the exception.

If honest-to-goodness gal pals stretch out of reach, could the Lord’s plan be to woo you out of your comfort zone a bit more? Perhaps widen your circle and check this out?

{Love you, Sisters, love you somethin’ fierce! Praying those silly, serious, devoted, and delightful friends cross your paths soon…}

If you would like to get a little Blue Skies encouragement for free in your mailbox, just click here. You’re welcome to connect with me via Facebook, too!

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  1. says

    I think until He fills me by showing me what Love is, then I am able to open my door again to the imperfectness of others, embrace them and accept them. And then, give them Grace as they flounder as my friend. When we are willing to lay down our expectations and pride, we’re overwhelmed with a pouring of Grace for ourselves through the richness that can be discovered in relationships!
    Amy Hunt recently gratefully :: community

  2. says

    OH, this. Just what I needed to hear. Friendships are hard for me and I’ve been on quite the emotional journey the past couple of weeks on this very subject. Thanks for the sweet encouragement!

  3. says

    LOVE this! I work in an office with mainly men (industrial software development, turns out isn’t a great place to meet girlfriends) 😉 I just feel so isolated sometimes. The “working mom” in a sea of homeschool and SAHM’s. Sometimes I start to withdraw, but then I realize… that God made each of us to be unique, in unique circumstances, with a unique perspective, and … I breathe. He can use all of us to encourage one another, and I pray he would open the doors for friendships… and that I would be the kind of friend He wants me to be.

    Thank you for this post!

    Melanie recently posted..The “I’m Fine” Masquerade

    • says

      Melanie, I’m praying those things for you, too. It’s double hard to make friends when you feel the odd one out. But truly? Your heart shines, Sister. Others can’t help but see and want that Light. Hugs to you, Friend!

  4. says

    Thanks for the encouragement. Being the one without children is tough. I’m also younger than most of the folks I meet helping their elderly relatives so the people I meet in that part of my life tend to be at very different places than I am. It gets tricky sometimes, but I just keep praying that I can be brave enough to be open to friendships and to seek them out.
    Amy recently posted..God’s Freedom

  5. Beth says

    I love your encouraging words, Kristen! I probably haven’t told you that yet :) I have just come though a season of searching for friends, a year of feeling alone…. But seeking Jesus and growing closer to Him has been the blessing in the trial! I thank the Lord for new friendships forming!

    • says

      Beth!! So happy to see your name in my neck of the woods! I’m so sorry it’s been a hard year for you. Since there’s no base where you are, I wondered if making friends was tricky. But I *know* you and you are sweet, generous, graceful, and oh-so hilarious! It’s just a matter of time before the Bozeman peeps discover all your awesomeness! So thankful for you, Beth!

  6. says

    It is hard at times. I dealt with that a lot when I moved back home a year and a half ago right after graduating college. Still do, if I’m honest. I at one point found myself choosing to “stay home” because it was easier. Thank you for reminding us to keep at because community really is needed…Oh, I love the picture!
    Jennifer recently posted..The Gift of Freedom

  7. says

    What a beautiful, insightful post. And how true … as if you had seen inside my heart and mind, exposing what I try to keep hidden! A reminder that we never truly walk a certain path alone, but many others have walked either before us or quietly beside, unbeknownst to us. I’ve been in that phase of my life many times … living a difficult childhood and later trying to “break in” to Christian circles that perhaps weren’t the most gracious. God spoke to a lot at Relevant about how I try to fill myself at broken cisterns … places where the water can’t fill or where it eventually runs out … and why would I chose that when He is the Spring of LIVING water? And so, often I find that means being content in Him, but also maybe that means it is okay to reach out, because even if I feel rejected, hurt or misunderstood, His Spring of grace never runs out! Thank you for pointing my eyes to His truths.

  8. says

    Amazing- truly. I never really had close friends until my mid 20’s but now what Papa is up to is more than making up for that. I don’t just have friends I am finding family. And it was lovely to meet YOU in person at relevant. Such a blessing you are!

  9. says

    Thanks. I needed to read this today. I’ve been a stay at home mom since January and it’s been so hard to make friends. It’s basically starting over, whereas I had a group of friends when I worked. I’ve been hurt by some of the moms I’ve met through my mom’s group and really it makes me not even want to go back to the group. Keeping on is hard. But I know that if I can make even one good, strong connection then it’ll be worth it.

  10. Marilyn says

    Hi. I just found your website. I want to say that I have lived in my house for over eleven years. The longest I’ve ever lived in one place. I have visited and joined several churches. I have participated in many, many bible studies. I have reached out to people left and right. I have absolutely ZERO friends, but, by golly, I have a ton of acquaintances! Just no one I would feel okay calling in the middle of the night if I had an emergency or anyone that I would just drop in on uninvited. Certainly no one to have tea with and share my burdens with. Your post about just giving up hits strongly with me. My hubby and I just had a similar conversation a few nights ago. He says it is not true, but I have come o the conclusion that I am just not a likable kind of person, no matter how much I try to be. Either that, or everyone but me (& hubby isn’t telling) can see a serious flaw with me so they keep their distance. I had lots of friends in my younger pre-hubby days. After getting married, I decided it would be best to make some girl friends as all of my previous hanging out was with the guys. I seemed to have more in common with them, I guess from tagging along with my big brother so much. So, now, being married for almost 27 years, it has been a very long, lonely road. Hubby and I even joined a motorcycle “gang” … well, really just a riding group. I thought maybe I’m supposed to befriend the un-churched and through friendship, introduce them to Christ. Don’t see that happening either. I don’t know what else to say or do or try. I have practically become a hermit. I’m sick and tired of shopping alone, taking the kids to the park alone, whatever … everything I do is with my hubby &/or kids … or I do it alone. New people come to our church and are just immediately scooped up and fit right in. No one really welcomed me to any of the churches I’ve attended. Everyone “missed me” when I miss a couple weeks, but the many weeks … week after week … that I’m there, no one can bother themselves to give me the time of day. I’ve heard to pin down a time so all the “we’ll have to get together” statements don’t get forgotten. Whenever I try to do that, I get the usual “I’ll have to check my calendar and get back to you.” I already know in advance that it means they were just being nice … don’t expect a call or an email in this lifetime. So, now what?