She climbs, hangs, dancings, moves all the time. The ground is overrated, too boring. The higher she can get, the better. There she is content and smiling, comfortable in her skin.
I watch her walk all light and confident on the railing near the Air Force Academy Cadet Chapel, and I wish my heart felt as light. But it doesn’t; it’s weighed down with fresh regret over an old problem. A couple of years ago, I chose to handle a difficult situation a certain way, and while I thought I handled it correctly, time and perspective have shown me I could have done better. Much better.
I’ve been hanging on to the What was I thinking? from my poor choice for sometime. And while I’m not afraid to apologize to parties involved and kickstart a fresh start, the nature of this problem prevents me from hashing it out with anyone but God.
I ask for His forgiveness and believe I’m forgiven, but this is one of those times I struggle with confidently moving forward like I really know I’m forgiven. I want to hang back, tuck myself in a corner, and beat myself up in a mental tug-of war. Why didn’t I handle this better in the first place? And why am I still fretting about it two stinkin’ years later?
“…set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.” 1 Peter 1:13
Yes, I will ultimately set my hope on grace given me when Christ returns to earth. But Jesus is also looking to reveal Himself in our everyday moments now, including the moments we’d rather forget. When I frame this hope around my own poor choice, I see that forgiving myself – and receiving His grace and deliverance – acknowledges Him. Acknowledging Him lightens my load because it requires me to look completely to Him.
When guilt and regret weigh down my heart, there’s only one thing to do: Turn outward and not inward by setting my hope fully on His grace.
I have a choice. Place my hope in flighty-as-the-wind feelings and self, or place my hope in the One who doesn’t change like shifting shadows. There’s really no way to place my hope in both; it must be one or the other. May we all walk taller and lighter because we choose Him fully.
First photo outside the Air Force Academy Cadet Chapel, second photo inside the chapel.